Your
concerns
My
parents will kill me if they find out.
Yes, your parents will be upset and disappointed, but they will not kill
you. After the initial shock, parents of pregnant young women usually
come to terms with the situation, later becoming an invaluable source
of support. Usually we see that the grandparents-to-be are excited about
the baby as the due date approaches. If you are afraid to tell your parents,
a counselor from your local pregnancy resource center can work with you
to determine the best way to break the news.
If you decide not to tell your parents, our experience has been that the
parents usually find out anyway. In these situations, mothers especially
are saddened that they were not given the opportunity to support their
daughter when she most needed it.
You don't understand. They'll kick me out of the
house!
If your parents really do kick you out, your pregnancy resource center
can help you find another place to stay while you are expecting. Some
centers have a registry of families who have volunteered to house pregnant
girls as needed. There are also many fully equipped maternity homes with
young women staying there who are in your same situation. The maternity
home will assist you with prenatal care, parenting education, counseling,
and many other needs you may have. Contact our center for a referral to
a home near you.
My parents are forcing me to have an abortion.
Legally, no one can force you to have an abortion. In fact, forcing a
minor to have an abortion is child abuse. If you tell the doctor that
someone else is forcing you into this decision, he or she will not perform
the abortion.
My boyfriend will leave me if I have this baby.
Your boyfriend is just as responsible for the pregnancy as you are. It
takes two to make a baby, so his responsibility does not end just because
he doesn't want to deal with the situation anymore. If he is going to
leave you just because you want to give your unborn child a chance at
life, it's questionable whether he loved you at all. He is treating you
as no more than an object for his sexual needs, rather than a woman who
is rightfully concerned about the effects of abortion on herself and her
child. You may be better off without someone like that in your life right
now. Either way, he is still legally required to pay child support after
the baby is born. More on a Father's Legal Rights & Responsibilities.
I'm so embarrassed! What will everyone think?
If you are unmarried, you may fear that others will judge you for having
a child out of wedlock. But there are many single parents today, some
divorced and some never married. Years ago this was a real concern, but
today the stigma attached to single parenthood is far reduced. In fact,
many metropolitan school districts, like Los Angeles, include publicly
funded high schools especially for pregnant and parenting students.
I've got my whole life ahead of me. A baby doesn't
fit into my plans.
If you are ever planning on having children, one thing you will come to
understand is that there is usually never an ideal time to have a baby.
No matter when you decide to have a child there will be trade-offs and
sacrifices to make. It's impossible to predict the future. Many couples
wait a very long time to start their families, only to find later that
their circumstances never became ideal.
I'm not ready to be a mother.
It is true that parenthood requires more responsibility than single life,
but if you are pregnant you are already a mother. You are being responsible
for the child inside of you by the way you treat your body now. The real
question is, "How do I treat this child that I have already participated
in creating?"
What's the big deal? It's not a baby yet.
Although the unborn child does not have legal rights under the law, the
fetus is very alive. By the sixth week of pregnancy the heart has started
beating. By eight weeks brain waves can be measured. By twelve weeks the
child can and does cry, though silently. By sixteen weeks the baby's movements
can be felt by the mother. Many women bond with their unborn children
long before they are born and feel a great sense of loss after an abortion.
More about the development of the unborn child.
I don't want to end up poor and on welfare. I
need to finish my education.
Having a baby does not have to mean that you will end up as a welfare
mother, even if you are poor and single. Although it may be more difficult
to continue your studies while you are caring for an infant, many women
complete their educations and go on to have fulfilling and exciting careers
even while doubling as mothers. Many find that having a child increases
one's motivation to succeed. Organizations like Nurturing Network (1-800-TNN-4MOM)
exist solely to help students and aspiring professional women complete
their goals while facing an unplanned pregnancy. Our experience has been
that a woman's motivation and self-esteem determine her ability to do
well, not an unplanned pregnancy.
An
abortion seems so much easier than pregnancy. I just want to get this
over with.
The abortion procedure is quick, but the effects can last a lifetime.
Abortion can impact you emotionally for years. In our experience, common
post-abortion symptoms include depression, nightmares, guilt, regret,
avoidance of babies, and even self-destructive behaviors. The difficulties
usually get worse over time and not better. Most dating relationships
do not survive an abortion as the experience drives the couple further
apart. Some women are physically damaged from the abortion, and a few
are even left permanently infertile. In our center we have spoken to women
who have almost bled to death after what was supposed to be a safe, simple
procedure. If this is your first pregnancy, aborting can double your risk
of developing breast cancer; multiple abortions can increase your risk
of breast cancer three-fold.
I
don't have any medical insurance.
It's not too late to get coverage for your prenatal care and delivery.
Most college students are covered for pregnancy under their university
health plans. If you are unemployed, a high-school student, or otherwise
have little income, you will most likely qualify for some form of government
assistance. You may even be able to obtain private insurance if you apply
early in pregnancy. If you are not a U.S. citizen, there are still some
public funds you may be able to access. Please call your local pregnancy
resource center to discuss your funding options.
I can't afford a baby.
Babies can cost as much as parents are willing to spend. Much of our society
focuses on having numerous possessions for ourselves and children, but
material things do not create a loving family. After you look back on
your life, those things which you value the most will not be the possessions
you spent a lot of money on, but rather your children and relationships.
It's more important to invest in the new life inside you than all the
things you think you and your baby will need.
Having a baby will increase your budget, however, regardless of how thrifty
you are. For this reason, most pregnancy resource centers offer maternity
clothes, baby clothes, and baby equipment to any woman who needs it at
no charge. Programs like WIC help women and their children obtain healthy
foods at no cost. Also, you can save a tremendous amount of money by purchasing
baby furniture second hand. Relatives are often eager to buy infant clothes
and other goods, especially if this is the first baby in the family for
a long time.
The doctor said that there might be something
wrong with the baby.
While most prenatal tests can reasonably predict a problem, they don't
usually give insight as to the severity of the problem. The problem may
be very minor. Sometimes such tests are wrong and the child is completely
healthy. And even if the disorder is severe, the value of a human being
is not dependent on the health or attractiveness of that individual. Handicapped
children deserve a chance at life just as anyone else. A disabled child
is still able to love and be loved, and to make a special contribution
to your family. Depending on your outlook, this child can be a blessing
to you and others. You will probably need support to continue your pregnancy
under such circumstances. Call our center for a referral to organizations
made up of parents who have continued pregnancies under similar circumstances.
Nonetheless, if you feel unable to raise a child with special needs, there
are adoption agencies which can place such children in loving homes. Call
us to discuss your situation.
I just had a baby. I can't have another one right
now.
If you have just recently given birth, it can be a tremendous shock to
find that you are pregnant again. But having just been pregnant, you can
understand more than anyone just how fantastic it is to have a small child
developing and growing within you. You've experienced the miracle of life
before; to extinguish this life now is hard to imagine. Two babies close
together is a real challenge for even the most experienced mother, but
in a few years you will find that the siblings are the best of friends.
The children will entertain each other giving you more time later on.
Having another baby will be invaluable to the child you have now and will
soon be precious to you too.
Everyone around me thinks abortion is the best
idea.
Although your friends, relatives, and partner may all feel abortion is
the best choice, you are the only one who can make the final decision.
You are ultimately responsible for your actions and will have to live
with the consequences of your choice. An abortion is never easy to forget –please
read some of the feedback from our post-abortion mailbox before taking
the advice of anyone else.
I wish I could have this baby, but I don't know
where to go for help.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are interested in alternatives
to abortion, help is available. In the United States there are over 3,500
centers that exist solely to assist women in your situation. If you live
in the Long Island area, call and speak to one of our counselors at 1-800-395-HELP
or visit us at either of our two locations:
1767 Deer
Park Avenue, Deer Park, NY 11729 631-243-0066
35 East Willow Street., Massapequa, NY 11758 516-798-9100
Additional Resources
www.lovematters.com
www.projectreach.org
www.pamstenzel.com
Para informacion en Espanol, www.piensaloenlinea.com
www.soloparajovenes.org/incio.htm
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